Amanda Gore is de CEO van The Joy Project en is in Amerika en Australie bekend als ‘experience creating’ spreker.
Ze combineert met veel humor principes van oude wijsheden met moderne wetenschap om mensen te laten zien wat echt belangrijk is in het leven: Joy! Hieronder een column met filmpje over ‘how do you give love’.
How do you give love?
It’s almost Valentine’s Day already! Where did January go?
My gift to you this month is something that came to me a long time ago but is so useful!
Where did you learn to give love? It’s a question that usually stumps people when it’s first asked. After a short time most people answer – ‘from our parents’.
If you think about that answer – it’s true for most of us. No parent ever goes to a ‘teach your children what love is’ class nor did their parents! We just keep doing what our parents did for/to us!
When we start a new relationship and again, no one consciously stops and thinks about how they are giving love to the other! We just do what feels right and appropriate and because we are in the phase of seeing the best in the other person – and ourselves – how we give love doesn’t matter!
Until much later! And then it matters!
I didn’t learn this until I was going out with a man called Anton. In our family, my mother would make us celebrities for our birthdays! There was a lead up to the actual day and lots of celebrations on the day and a gentle easing out! It was wonderful and she made us feel very special.
Anton’s family on his 35th birthday, gave him 2 tea towels! There was a real difference!
One day when we were several months into the relationship, I decided to give him a surprise! I knew he was going to a meeting and taking his briefcase. I decided to empty a complete packet of those little confetti hearts into his case. You know those ones that once they escape go everywhere?! I thought it was such a great idea! I could see his face as he opened his briefcase and how all the other people at the table would be thinking – ‘ lucky bloke’!!!
SO wrong! LOL. He nearly killed me! And yet I thought it was a wonderful expression of love!
So over the years, I came to the conclusion that we needed to ask how they would like to be loved.
And here is the question – the way you ask it is very important!
‘What do I do, that makes you feel, that I love you?’
Be careful and aware of your hand gestures when you ask this question. Watch this video below and I show you how to do it! I just came back from the beach so I look very casual – hope you don’t mind!
Ask this question and allow people time to reflect on the answer – it’s not your average type of question! Perhaps bring it up in the context of you reading this newsletter and learning about the question…don’t suddenly ask the question in the middle of talking about next weeks plans!
Ask your children as well as your partner or parents or friends! It works with everyone – even at work!
For work, you need to change the question a little – to ‘what do I do that makes you feel I really value and appreciate your contribution?’
You may be surprised at the answers from everyone. You may think you know exactly what makes your children feel loved and yet when they tell you whatreally makes them feel loved, you are astonished! You may feel it’s when you take them to the movies or give them something – and they answer ‘I feel like you love me when you listen to me.’ Or ‘When you hug me’, or call me ‘snooky’!
So there is a great addition for your Valentine’s day gift for others – perhaps you can write it in your card!
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
It’s all very well asking others what you do to make them feel loved – what do you do to yourself to feel loved by you?
Loving ourselves is one of the most important things – if not the most important thing – in your life. It’s such a challenge for so many because by the time most of us have reached 7, we don’t believe we are worth loving, lovable or good enough!
So…what do you do that makes you feel you love you!
It sounds a little odd – but what makes you feel better about yourself? What do you do that makes you feel good?
Do you speak kindly to your self? Do you allow yourself a little healthy indulgence every so often? Are you patient and loving towards your self? Do you give yourself grace and the benefit of the doubt? Do you give yourself some ‘me’ time to recharge and rest?
Maybe your Valentine’s day gift to yourself can be to find out what you do for yourself that makes you feel loved! (Hint: It may have something to do with loving the inner child that was you!)
Whether you find out how someone else in your life that you love wants to be loved, or whether you work on yourself to find out what makes you feel loved – it will make Valentine’s day 2015 a very special one!
I hope you have a very heart opening day!